Clean Jokes to Replace Those Old Worn Out Jokes You've Heard So Many Times Before
Here are some clean jokes you can tell just about anywhere! Are you tired of those crude jokes you hear in the workplace or on television? Try some clean jokes. If you have any funny sayings or jokes you want to share please let me know. Just go to the contact page and submit your joke. Bless the Fun....Mike...and laugh outloud.
Kids on the New & Old Testaments,clean joke#1
Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.
Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
Moses led the hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on mount cyanide to get the ten amendments.
Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the hebrews to the battle of Geritol.
The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
David was a hebrew king that played the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in the bible times.
Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
When Mary heard that she was the mother of jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
It was a miracle when jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
Eve's Steep Price,clean joke#2
God noticed that Adam was lonely. He said him, "Adam, I am going to give you the perfect companion. She'll cook and clean and listen, she's perfect."
Adam replied, "What will she cost me?"
God said, "An arm and a leg."
Shocked, Adam said, "Well, what can I get for a rib?"
On Vacation,clean joke#3
On vacation two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one of the tourists asked the employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are, very slowly?" The employee leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrgerrrrrr Kiiiiing."
In The Driver's Seat (a clean joke for Catholics who like to laugh)
The Pope lands at an airport just in time to get to an important meeting. His limo driver speedily takes off, but the Pope needs him to go faster in order to get to his meeting on time. The Pope asks the driver to switch places so the Pope can drive.
They speedily take off again, but unfortunately, the speeding car is stopped by a cop. The police officer takes one look at the situation and radios in to headquarters. He tells the chief that he has a pretty important person on his hands.
The police chief asked, "Is he more important than the mayor?" The cop said, "Yes."
Then the chief asked, "Is he more important than the governor?"
The cop said, "Yes."
Then the chief asked, "Is he more important than the President?"
The cop said, "Yes."
Finally, the chief asked, "How important can he be?"
The cop said, "I don't know, but he's got the Pope for a driver!"
Fear of Flying,clean joke#5
There was a religious woman who had to do a lot of traveling for her business. Flying made her very nervous, so she always took her Bible along with her.
One time, she was sitting next to a man. When he saw her pull out her Bible, he gave a little chuckle and smirk and went back to what he was doing.
After awhile, he turned to her and asked, "You don't really believe all that stuff in there do you?"
The woman replied, "Of course I do. It is the Bible."
He said, "Well, what about the guy that was swallowed by that whale?"
She replied, "Oh, Jonah. Yes, I believe that, it is in the Bible."
He asked, "Well, how do you suppose he survived all that time inside the whale?"
The woman said, "Well, I don't really know. I guess when I get to heaven, I will ask him."
"What if he isn't in heaven?" the man asked sarcastically.
"Then you can ask him," replied the woman.