Sara Cox: From Fear, Depresson and Suicide to Friendship With Jesus
Hi, I'm Sara Cox. My story began in 1999; I was 11 years old. Like most girls, I wanted to be perfect to my parents. I realized that the harder I try to get my dad to love and accept me; the worst things got between us. I so desperately wanted to be loved and accepted by male authority, I began to seek outside for comfort and people’s approval. I became a people-pleaser.
When I was about 16, I began to party hard, I did all kinds of drugs, I drank and I abused relationships; to a point, I was totally out of control. I had no respect for authority, and I hated myself. I got in so much trouble from the law, and all that I wanted was to get rid of all these troubles.Needless to say, the more trouble I got, the more frightened I was. The more frightened I was, the more depressed I got. Then, one day, my depression finally caught up with me. Out of all the fear and hopelessness, I decided to take my life by overdosing myself with cocaine.
Unfortunately (or fortunately) God was not done with me. So, instead of dying, I ended up in a rehab center for a year. Now, did I learn from my lesson? NO! Soon after I got released from rehab, I was back in my self-destructive lifestyle. I literally relapsed everything over and over again for almost two years. Until I found out one day that I was pregnant. I felt so confused, ashamed and frightened, I knew I could not continue to live the way I did. I knew I needed help, but Who? Where? How? I mean the man who got me pregnant told me I was better off killing myself and my baby. It was the darkest time of my life. I cried out and no one heard me. Then, one Tuesday night while I was driving confusedly and my mind was filled with suicidal thoughts, I felt something telling me to go to the church where my mom was having a prayer meeting, so, I did.
When I got there, I told my mom and the ladies that I needed help. They laid hands on me and prayed for me intensely. It was at that moment that I felt a sense of peace and hope, and I realized that I had to keep the baby because it was not about Sara Cox anymore; it was about an innocent baby inside of me.
Then my mom invited me to come to the church on the following Sunday. So I did. After the church service, Pastor Mark came to pray for me and introduced Jesus to me. I received Jesus right there and then. Since then, my life has never been the same. I love going to church every Sunday. I learned to pray, I learned to repent and I learned to forgive. I learned to have a friendship with Jesus and I know I am now a new creation in Christ.
On January 4th 2008, I gave birth to the most beautiful precious little baby girl! Her name is Ellie Sue. Ellie means “light” and Sue is to honor my mother for her love and faith she had for me and the Lord. Soon after Ellie was born We both got baptized and I know that the Lord is our Father and gave our selves to him.
Ellie is now 10 months old and she is walking. She is a blessing from the Lord and a joy to have. Whenever I feel sad or down, I remember Ellie, because her name means light, just like Jesus is the light of the world, and where there is light there will be no darkness.
I know now that life is not about me, but about God, and that Jesus died for me so that I could be set free from my bondage. I am thankful to my mom, the Church of The Living Water and God for giving me my beautiful lil girl and not leaving me, for he always said I will never leave you nor forsake you . I wouldn’t be here to testify today if it wasn’t for the mercy of God. I am very thankful!!!
Thank you,
Sara Cox
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